Tu vs Lei: Formal and Informal “You” in Italian
A0 · Lesson 08 · Tu or Lei?
Two ways to say “you”. Pick the right one and Italians will love you for it.
Quick answer
Tu vs Lei: use tu (TOO) with friends, family, kids and people your age in a relaxed setting. Use Lei (LAY) with strangers, waiters, shop staff, older people and offices. Not sure? Start with Lei: Italians will tell you when to switch to tu.
Two ways to say “you”
You already met both. Now let’s see who gets which.
tu
TOO
you, informal. For people you’d hug.
InformalFriends & familyLei
LAY
you, polite. For people you’d shake hands with. Yes, it’s the same word as lei (she), with a capital L.
PoliteStrangers & work💡 In simple words
English has one “you” for everybody. Italian has a friendly one and a polite one.
Same test as ciao and buongiorno: would you hug this person? → tu. Shake hands? → Lei.
Want a refresher on all the people words first? Italian subject pronouns.
Tu vs Lei: who gets which?
It’s not about how old you are. It’s about how well you know the other person.
🤗 Tu
Friends and family (yes, grandma too!)
Kids and teenagers
People your age in a relaxed place: a party, a hostel, a class
Your pets. The cat gets tu. Obviously.
🤝 Lei
Strangers in the street
Waiters, baristas, shop assistants
Older people you don’t know
Offices: the hotel desk, the doctor, the bank, the police
📌 The safe rule
Not sure? Use Lei.
Too polite is a little funny. Too familiar can sound rude. Easy choice!
Lei uses the same verb as lui and lei
Here’s the surprise: polite “you” uses the verb for “he” and “she”.
Tu
Lei = like lui / lei
seiSAYyou are
èEHyou are (like “he / she is”)
haiEYEyou have
haAHyou have (like “he / she has”)
ti chiamitee KYAH-meeyour name is
si chiamasee KYAH-mahyour name is (like “his / her name is”)
💡 In simple words
With Lei you talk to someone, but the verb sounds like you talk about them.
So Lei è stanca? = Are you tired, madam? (or: Is she tired? The situation tells you.)
Two more ready-made blocks
Ti piace? → Le piace?
tee PYAH-cheh · leh PYAH-cheh · Do you like it?
il tuo numero → il Suo numero
eel TOO-oh NOO-meh-roh · eel SOO-oh NOO-meh-roh · your number
Learn them as chunks. No grammar needed today: you’ll see why they work in later lessons.
Swap it: the tu and Lei versions
Same meaning, two outfits: jeans and a suit. Read across.
Tu · friends
Lei · polite
Ciao!CHOWHi!
Buongiorno! / Buonasera!bwohn-JOR-noh · bwoh-nah-SEH-rahGood morning! / Good evening!
Come stai?KOH-meh STYHow are you?
Come sta?KOH-meh STAHHow are you?
E tu?eh TOOAnd you?
E Lei?eh LAYAnd you?
Scusa!SKOO-zahExcuse me! / Sorry!
Scusi!SKOO-zeeExcuse me! / Sorry!
Come ti chiami?KOH-meh tee KYAH-meeWhat’s your name?
Come si chiama?KOH-meh see KYAH-mahWhat’s your name?
Ti presento Marco.tee preh-ZEN-toh MAR-kohThis is Marco. / Meet Marco.
Le presento Marco.leh preh-ZEN-toh MAR-kohThis is Marco. / Meet Marco.
Ti piace?tee PYAH-chehDo you like it?
Le piace?leh PYAH-chehDo you like it?
il tuo numeroeel TOO-oh NOO-meh-rohyour number
il Suo numeroeel SOO-oh NOO-meh-rohyour number
💡 In simple words
Scusa ends in -a for tu, scusi ends in -i for Lei.
Ti becomes Le, tuo becomes Suo.
In real life: the shop, then your friend
Watch the switch. Same person (you), two different worlds.
In the shop · Lei
Signora Bianchi
shop owner
Buongiorno! Come sta?
Good morning! How are you?
you
Bene, grazie! E Lei?
Fine, thanks! And you?
Signora Bianchi
shop owner
Bene! Le piace?
Fine! Do you like it?
you
Sì, grazie!
Yes, thank you!
Outside, with a friend · tu
Luca
your friend
Ciao! Come stai?
Hi! How are you?
you
Bene! E tu?
Good! And you?
Luca
your friend
Benissimo! Ti presento Sara.
Great! Meet Sara.
you
Ciao, Sara!
Hi, Sara!
Same afternoon, same questions: Come sta? E Lei? in the shop, Come stai? E tu? with Luca.
Common mistakes English speakers make
To an older shopkeeper: Come stai, signora? → Come sta, signora?
Signora is polite, so the verb must be polite too.
Stopping a stranger in the street: Scusa! → Scusi!
Scusa is for friends. A stranger gets scusi.
At the hotel desk: Come ti chiami? → Come si chiama?
The receptionist is not your buddy (yet).
Asking the waiter: Lei sei…? → Lei è…?
Lei takes the same verb as lui / lei: è, not sei.
After “Come sta?”: (no question back) → E Lei?
Always ask back. A conversation is ping-pong.
Diamoci del tu: when Italians switch
Italians don’t stay formal forever. At some point, someone says the magic words.
Gli italiani dicono…
Diamoci del tu!
dee-AH-moh-chee dehl TOO · Let’s use “tu”!
You will hear this a lot. It means: “we can stop being formal now”. Just smile and say Sì, certo! (see CHEHR-toh, yes, of course!).
💡 In simple words
Usually the older person, or the boss, offers the tu.
Wait for it. Then switch happily: from now on it’s Come stai? and E tu?
We met five minutes ago and I’m already lying on your sofa. Diamoci del tu.
North vs South: Milan says Lei, Naples says tu
Italy is long. The rules stretch a bit from top to bottom.
⬆️ The north
More formal. In Milan or Turin, shop staff and offices use Lei with you, and they expect it back.
⬇️ The south
More informal and friendly. From Rome down, waiters and shopkeepers often switch to tu very fast, even with tourists.
Tip: start with Lei everywhere. If they use tu with you, you can relax and use tu back.
Step 8 · Practice
🍕 Your turn
Start with a quick warm-up, then press Check. Want more? Open the extra exercises below. Mistakes are part of it. No pressure.
Warm-up · 5 questions
Tu or Lei?
1. Your best friend
2. A waiter you don’t know
3. Your little cousin
4. The doctor
5. An older lady at the bus stop
See more exercises · 40 questions ▾Hide the extra exercises ▴
1 · Hug or handshake?
Choose tu or Lei for each person.
1. Your sister
2. The hotel receptionist
3. Your grandma
4. A police officer
5. A new classmate your age, at a party
6. The pharmacist
7. Your dog
8. A stranger you ask for directions
9. The man at the bank
10. Your best friend’s 8-year-old son
2 · Which one is polite?
Choose the Lei version.
1. How are you?
2. And you?
3. Excuse me!
4. What’s your name?
5. Meet Marco.
6. Do you like it?
7. your number
8. Hello! (to a shop owner at 10 am)
3 · Right or wrong?
Is it right for the situation?
1. To the waiter: “Scusi!”
2. To your brother: “Come sta?”
3. To an older gentleman: “Come stai?”
4. To your friend: “E tu?”
5. At the hotel desk: “Lei sei stanco?”
6. At the hotel desk: “Come si chiama?”
7. Not sure? Use Lei.
8. “Diamoci del tu” = let’s be formal
4 · What do you say?
Choose the best answer for the situation.
1. You bump into a stranger on the train.
2. The shop owner asks “Come sta?”. You answer:
3. You introduce your friend Sara to your Italian boss.
4. Your new boss says “Diamoci del tu!”. You say:
5. A waiter in Naples says “Ciao! Come stai?”. You can answer:
6. You ask the hotel receptionist for her phone number.
5 · Make it polite
Rewrite with Lei. Capital letters and punctuation don’t matter.
1. Come stai?
2. E tu?
3. Scusa!
4. Come ti chiami?
5. Ti presento Marco.
6. Ti piace?
7. il tuo numero
8. Sei stanco?
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Ci vediamo la prossima settimana! – Sì, alla prossima lezione! Ciao!
See you next week! – Yes, see you at the next lesson! Bye!
Previous lesson: A0 · 07 Subject pronounsNext lesson: A0 · 09 Italian numbers
Written by Luciana
Native Italian teacher, CEDILS certified, 10,000+ lessons since 2020.
